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You are visiting: Home » Decorating/DIY » Transform Your Furniture » Even My Coffee Cup Is Scared of This Coffee Table

Even My Coffee Cup Is Scared of This Coffee Table

by Lindsay Ballard on August 30, 2009 52 Comments

Dear Some Random Artist-Type Person in Austin, Texas,

Recently, I was delighted to come across an offering of one of your finest works of art on CraigsList. It may pain you to know that I received it for free, but I think they say that none of the great artists were truly appreciated until they were dead. It is my sincere hope that you are still alive and kicking it in the ATX.

Why? Because I’d like to meet you. I’d like to shake your hand. And I’d like to ask you why on Earth you did this to a sweet, innocent coffee table.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Britney Spears as much as the next person. Okay, fine. I love her way more than the next person. Regardless, even I wouldn’t have Mod Podged her face to the top of a table and then given her an oddly-shaped body. And I’m a crafty gal!

On top of that, you had to pair Ms. Brit with Kid Rock? Honestly, I don’t even get it. Why Kid Rock? Is it because the two of them obviously should have been a couple at some point? Man, the universe sure dodged a bullet on that one.

Did you just get so bored of this table that you couldn’t even bother to give Kid Rock his ratty hair? Or at the very least finish painting his arm?

Okay, I will admit that the Pabst Blue Ribbon belt buckle is a nice touch. Props to you for that.

Random Artist-Type Person, I’d like to thank you for your creative endeavors. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have gotten this table for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList.

This beauty cannot be traced past that, but I know that I am now at least the fifth proud owner of this beautiful table. In fact, this may have been the very first item ever listed on CraigsList.

But you know what? I have taken it upon myself to right your wrong. My husband is absolutely horrified that this table has entered our home, but I keep telling him to trust me on this one. How can it possibly turn out any worse than this?

I hope Kid Rock’s creepy floating head haunts your dreams. I know it does mine.

Love,
Lindsay

P.S. I’m adding this post to the Blissfully Domestic “We are Blissfully Domestic!” Celebration. What do you think June Clever would say about this table?

we-are-bd1

P.P.S. I’m also adding this post to Beckie’s Roadkill Rescue party over at Infarrantly Creative.

About Lindsay Ballard

Lindsay Ballard is a former college mascot turned political geek turned roller derby playing, DIY fanatic.

Lindsay chronicles her projects, design ideas, and lifestyle tips here at Makely, where she shares tutorials and inspiration. Her DIY designs are bold and graphic, while her spirit is fun and full of color.

Lindsay lives outside of Austin, Texas with her husband (Tom), children (Zack and Emma), and dogs (Duke and Jill). She plays roller derby for the Rockin' City Rollergirls out of Round Rock, Texas.

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Comments

  1. Beth says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:19 am

    Whoa now. That is some serious Britney love! My favorite part is the belt buckle, LOL

    Reply
  2. Jenny Garland says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:26 am

    THIS is so hilarious. I cannot wait to see how marvelous you make Brit and Kid. Seriously, WTF was the orginial artist thinking?! ha.

    Reply
  3. Robin says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:33 am

    OK, I think I just threw-up a little in my mouth. I cannot wait to see what you do with this thing!!

    {{HUGS}}

    Robin :o)

    Reply
  4. Darcy says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:33 am

    Lindsay, it's even more magical than I expected.

    Reply
  5. Emily@remodelingthislife says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:40 am

    I cannot wait to see what you do with this no good, very bad coffee table. I know it will be unrecognizable and fabulous.

    Reply
  6. Eve says

    August 30, 2009 at 9:37 am

    LMAO!!! This is gonna keep me giggling all day!!!
    Why on Earth would anyone do that to an otherwise awesome table???…WHY??? LOL

    I am looking forward to seeing the "after" of poor table, thanks to you it will not suffer any longer! LOL

    Reply
  7. Kelly B says

    August 30, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Haha!! My 7 year old daughter looked with disdain on that table. Too funny!! I wish I could find one like that around here. I could trade out my sister's and surprise her when she came home….. it would be fun to watch her try to explain to her husband!! :0)

    Reply
  8. Kelsee says

    August 30, 2009 at 10:12 am

    Oh wow. That's definitely a doozy! Good luck with that one! -Kelsee

    Reply
  9. marty (A Stroll Thru Life) says

    August 30, 2009 at 10:39 am

    Wow, that really is some table. I can't wait to see how you rescue it. Hugs, Marty

    Reply
  10. the BLAH BLAH BLAHger says

    August 30, 2009 at 11:06 am

    I'll give you 50 bucks if you keep it that way for a month until I come visit. I want to bask in its glory!!! : )

    Reply
  11. gina says

    August 30, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    The belt buckle sure was nifty. 🙂 I can't wait to see what this becomes. Craigslist scares me. I have never. Not once. Been on Craigslist.

    Reply
  12. Shannon @ Posh Pieces says

    August 30, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    Oh wow! This is one ugly table. It has to make you wonder, what on earth were they thinking when they did this to the table? I cant wait to see the transformation.

    Reply
  13. Princess of Everything (and then some) says

    August 30, 2009 at 7:28 am

    Oh. My.

    I love thinking that it is the first ever craigslist item like there is only one fruit cake and it just keeps getting regifted.

    Why would anyone even think that way? Only in Austin.

    I cannot wait to see what you are going to do with this!!

    Reply
  14. Lori says

    August 30, 2009 at 7:35 am

    hahahahahahahahaha! I needed a good laugh this morning. 🙂

    Reply
  15. Tins and Treasures says

    August 30, 2009 at 7:45 am

    If you had not included the pictures, I would have thought you were making this up! Keep us posted. Enjoy Sunday ~Natalie

    Reply
  16. pink green & southern says

    August 30, 2009 at 7:48 am

    I agree–only in Austin! But I can also see the potential and can't wait to see what you do with it!

    Reply
  17. A Home in Progress says

    August 30, 2009 at 7:51 am

    I LOVE it – you are hilarious. Can't wait to see what it will become!

    Reply
  18. Christina says

    August 30, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    oh.my.goodness. Truly don't know what to say other than—looking forward to the after.

    Reply
  19. Amanda @ Serenity Now says

    August 30, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Oh. my. gosh. Lindsay, this made my day!!! I WANT to know WHO, WHO came up with this concept. Now all I can imagine is Britney and Kid Rock together. Can't wait to see what you do with it. My husband would freak out. This is one for the record books. 😉

    Reply
  20. squareby says

    August 30, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    That is truly horrifying. I would have left it in the garage until it got a makeover. When I have free time, I browse the Austin CraigsList just for kicks and giggles.

    Reply
  21. Sara says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:19 am

    This is one of the most hilarious posts I've read along with one of the most horrifying pieces of furniture I've ever had the displeasure of seeing. And poor, poor Miss Britney–I think that's her "first post-nuthouse comeback" body that's painted on there. Oh the indignity!! Gotta dig the crackle finish though. Someone really thought that through…

    Reply
  22. Sunny says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:31 am

    I can only say one word in response to this: wow. 😉

    Reply
  23. Caro says

    August 30, 2009 at 10:47 am

    oh the horror!!! that's like a train wreck, you just can't look away, LOL!!!
    cant wait to see what you do!

    Reply
  24. Isabella & Max Rooms says

    August 30, 2009 at 10:50 am

    LOL funny, entertaining post!

    I WILL have to keep posted to see the transformation of this jewel…kudos to you for seeing its potential, I myself am having a hard time!!!

    Janell

    Reply
  25. Cozy Little House says

    August 30, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    Uh, Lindsay, that's about as ugly as it gets. Please show us how you "beautify" it. You might have to be nominated for rescuing the wood.
    Brenda

    Reply
  26. Jenny@ L.O.T.s of Love says

    August 30, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    That's hysterical! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  27. TLB says

    August 30, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    My husband wants that table.

    Reply
  28. LizO says

    August 30, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    That is so horrifying I sat stunned for a second and then the giggles commenced.

    It's so horrifying it's almost too bad you have or will be making it pretty and give it a new life. With that said, you need to have some pictures of it framed and displayed just to keep the conversation going on with it.

    What a scream!

    Reply
  29. Its So Very Cheri says

    August 30, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Can you come over and see if you have any suggestions. I am having problems with my follower section and I need advice.
    Thanks Cheri
    Its So Very Cheri

    Reply
  30. Angry Julie Monday says

    August 30, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    Awesome!!!!!! I can't wait to see the transformation!

    Reply
  31. Anny says

    August 30, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    HAHAHAHA I can't wait to see what you do with it!

    Reply
  32. MJ says

    August 30, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    OH.MY.GOODNESS!! I live in Cedar Park and regularly stalk the free section of Austin's Craig's List. I ACTUALLY saw that table listed in the past month and couldn't even believe my eyes….and was even more shocked when I saw that it was pending pick up! I about laughed out loud when I read your post!!! I absolutely cannot wait to see what you do with it!!!

    Reply
  33. St. Michael's Wife says

    August 30, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    FREAKIN' HILARIOUS! (Almost wet my pants!) Can't wait to see what you do with this bee-you-tee! Be sure to post some pics!

    Grins and giggles,
    Pamm

    Reply
  34. Embellished Bayou says

    August 30, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    OMG, please prime over that beast ASAP!!!

    Reply
  35. Heather says

    August 30, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    LOL – that is one seriously hiddeous table – can't wait to see what you do with it!!!

    Reply
  36. *katie says

    August 30, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    Wow. So excited to see what you do with this!

    Reply
  37. austinfarmtotable says

    August 31, 2009 at 7:27 am

    I can't believe DH let you put that in the living room even to take a picture. It is so much scarier than I thought it would be.

    Reply
  38. Nadir @ Hodgepodge says

    August 31, 2009 at 8:06 am

    WOW!!! That may be the worst coffee table I've ever seen! I hope you can rescue the poor thing.

    Reply
  39. ReBecca says

    August 31, 2009 at 7:22 am

    Well… it is a conversation starter!

    Reply
  40. Jessica says

    August 31, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Oh my goodness that is terrible! I have never seen anything like it!

    I can't wait to see what you make of it!

    Reply
  41. Lindsey @ Better After says

    August 31, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA! "In fact, this may have been the very first item ever listed on CraigsList." Hilarious. When you're done can I please feature this one on my blog? It's priceless.

    check out the craigslist gem I found, on my personal blog here:

    http://allenavenue.blogspot.com/2009/08/good-gaudy-oh-please-do-pardon-pun.html

    Reply
  42. Infarrantly Creative says

    August 31, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    I am pretty sure that will haunt my dreams tonight. Rescue it quickly!

    Reply
  43. Anonymous says

    August 31, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my face…thanks for sharing…can't wait to see the transformation!

    Reply
  44. Sturgmom says

    September 1, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    Reply
  45. Amy {The Red Chair Blog} says

    September 1, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud. The half-painted arm is classic.

    Reply
  46. Julia @ Hooked on Houses says

    September 2, 2009 at 9:17 am

    I can't believe this table is for real! Hysterical! I almost hate for you to paint over Britney and Kid, but at least you have these photos for the memories.

    Can't wait to see what you do with it. You're a braver woman than I to tackle it! Ha. 🙂

    Reply
  47. Alli Worthington says

    September 2, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

    Seriously, that is the craziest thing I have ever seen!

    LOVE

    Reply
  48. jaime @ a place out west says

    September 3, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! That is unbelievable. I have no words.

    Reply
  49. Crafty Girls Workshop says

    September 6, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Yep, I would say only in Austin would something like that show up on Craigslist. Everywhere else it'd probably just show up on the side of the road during big trash pickup. (I live in San Antonio, by the way) Stopping by to give you some commentin' kudos, I guess that's what it's called. Hope you'll visit me too! Funny post by the way.

    Anna

    Reply
  50. Heather - Dollarstorecrafts.com says

    September 11, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    Funniest. Coffee table. Ever!

    Reply
  51. Amber B. says

    September 17, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Okay, I found you through Kimba's DIY day, and I've been going through your archives–and this is absolutely HILARIOUS! You are too funny. Can't wait to see how Brit and Kid are transformed. 😀

    Reply
  52. Meg says

    March 2, 2010 at 10:09 am

    I think I got my ab workout this morning due to reading this post. Thanks for sharing it!

    Reply

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About Makely

Lindsay Ballard is a former college mascot turned political geek turned roller derby playing, DIY fanatic.

Lindsay chronicles her projects, design ideas, and lifestyle tips here at Makely, where she shares tutorials and inspiration. Her DIY designs are bold and graphic, while her spirit is fun and full of color.

Lindsay lives outside of Austin, Texas with her husband (Tom), children (Zack and Emma), and dogs (Duke and Jill). She plays roller derby for the Rockin' City Rollergirls out of Round Rock, Texas.


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