Recently, I was delighted to come across an offering of one of your finest works of art on CraigsList. It may pain you to know that I received it for free, but I think they say that none of the great artists were truly appreciated until they were dead. It is my sincere hope that you are still alive and kicking it in the ATX.
Why? Because I’d like to meet you. I’d like to shake your hand. And I’d like to ask you why on Earth you did this to a sweet, innocent coffee table.
On top of that, you had to pair Ms. Brit with Kid Rock? Honestly, I don’t even get it. Why Kid Rock? Is it because the two of them obviously should have been a couple at some point? Man, the universe sure dodged a bullet on that one.
Did you just get so bored of this table that you couldn’t even bother to give Kid Rock his ratty hair? Or at the very least finish painting his arm?
Okay, I will admit that the Pabst Blue Ribbon belt buckle is a nice touch. Props to you for that.
Random Artist-Type Person, I’d like to thank you for your creative endeavors. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have gotten this table for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList.
This beauty cannot be traced past that, but I know that I am now at least the fifth proud owner of this beautiful table. In fact, this may have been the very first item ever listed on CraigsList.
But you know what? I have taken it upon myself to right your wrong. My husband is absolutely horrified that this table has entered our home, but I keep telling him to trust me on this one. How can it possibly turn out any worse than this?
I hope Kid Rock’s creepy floating head haunts your dreams. I know it does mine.
P.S. I’m adding this post to the Blissfully Domestic “We are Blissfully Domestic!” Celebration. What do you think June Clever would say about this table?
P.P.S. I’m also adding this post to Beckie’s Roadkill Rescue party over at Infarrantly Creative.