The Things I Never Thought I’d Have to Say

My two year old daughter, Emma, has really been enjoying the chalkboard easel that I added to the playroom.  I’ve been really excited to watch her draw on it, since she is so much more into arts and crafts than her brother ever was.

I think her favorite part is the erasing, though.  I guess it gives a little one a lot of power to draw a picture with chalk and then immediately wipe it off.  She actually uses toilet paper to wipe it off, which is one of those things that makes me shudder but it’s not a battle I’ve chosen to fight with her.

Chalk apparently doesn’t wipe off of a chalkboard very well with toilet paper alone.  It works better when it’s wet.  For months, I thought she was using her step stool to get it wet in the sink.  Then one day, I turned the corner to see her with her elbow deep in the toilet.

“Emma!” I screamed.  “Stop!  What are you doing?”

“Wet for chalk, Mama,” Emma replied quite matter-of-factly.

So Emma now has her very own eraser.  She’s been instructed that it (or anything else) is never to be dunked into the toilet for cleaning purposes…words I never thought I’d have to say.

What have you had to say to your kids (or your husband) that you never thought you’d have to say?

Update:  Upon reading this post this morning, my mother sent me an email.  She said, “I just laughed so hard when I read this.  I remember you washing your doll’s clothes in the toilet one time!  The apple does not fall far from the tree.”  Yet again, this is all payback, isn’t it?  :)

Filed Under: Real Life with Lindsay

About Lindsay Ballard

Lindsay Ballard is a former college mascot turned political geek turned DIY fanatic who is conspiring to live in a Technicolor dream world. Her designs are bold and graphic, while her spirit is fun and full of color. Lindsay chronicles her projects and design ideas here at Makely, where she shares daily tutorials and inspiration. Lindsay lives outside of Austin, Texas with her husband (Tom), children (Zack and Emma) and dogs (Jack and Duke).


  1. Thanks for giving me a chuckle this morning. My own child is a young man of 14 and he’s still giving me those moments. Enjoy them wholeheartedly. Thanks again!

  2. Please only explore things with your hands, not your mouth. (Uh, that’s directed towards the kids, not my husband…lol!)

  3. Classy! Hahaha. Does she use the new eraser??

  4. Ha! She’s creative at least! I recently had to tell my little one not to splash in the toilet (she’s 3), especially while she was pooping in it…sigh. Some kids just need very explicit instructions!

  5. LOL at Val up there.

  6. I once heard myself say “don’t pick your brothers’ nose”. Yes, I really had to say that.

  7. Amber Bryant says:

    I recently had this conversation with my youngest and I immediately filed it into the stuff-I-never-thought-I’d-say file: Me, “Stop farting in the restaurant.” Kid 2, “You not the boss of my farts.” Me (in a firm hushed whisper), “Yes, I am the boss of your farts.” Kids never fail to entertain.

  8. I’m laughing so hard!! Especially at Amber and Val!!!

  9. My daughter really hates wearing clothing on her bottom half. We’ve convinced her that underwear is necessary, but the first thing she does when walking into the house is take off her pants. One day we went to a rose garden with her cousins. It was time to go so I turned around to see her with her pants half down, her shirt pulled up over her head, and soaking wet. “Pants up! Shirt down! Let’s go!” Now that is something I never thought I’d be yelling in a public space!

  10. First, Amber, I am STILL laughing!!!!

    My girls (6 and 3) bathe together in my large tub. They like the big tub and I like being able to do things (put away laundry, work on the computer) where I can easily hear and see them. One day it was unusually quiet for bath time but I could hear them giggling and whispering in such a tone that I knew I should inspect the situation closer. Something about, “Does this tickle?” didn’t sound right. It was incredibly difficult to not bust out laughing when I had to say straight-faced, “That’s not sanitary. Don’t tickle your sister’s pee-pee with your toes.”

    It’s great knowing we all have our own oddities!

  11. So funny! I thought “Don’t drink the bathwater !” was my worst with my grand kids but I’m sure there will be much more to come! Believe me, it is so much more funny the second time around!

  12. Lindsay, that is hilarious!! I think I’m going to have to subscribe to your blog!

  13. How about, ” it’s smelling pretty tooty in here….I think someone needs to use the bathroom”. I use this surprisingly frequently in my kindergarten class. :0)

    “if you need to go to the bathroom, you HAVE to come in and use the toilet; it’s not like at home.”

    “I hope that you’re not marking your territory by peeing!”

    “we all fart-yes, even me. We don’t have to laugh.”

    I have more from my own kids and class, but it is a start! You never know what has to be said with kids. ;0) Hm, notice how much is tied to bathroom?

  14. this totally made my day, cant stop laughing (b/c it’s not my kids, haha)

  15. Too hilarious!

  16. I absolutely love this story!!!

  17. I can honestly say that I never thought I would utter the words “don’t run with the chicken”…yet I have. Also, a close second was “don’t get the chicken wet”. Oh, and no, we don’t live on a farm, LOL.

  18. OH my goodness, that is not what I was expecting!! So funny! You need to write that one down. Well…I guess you just did. 😉

  19. Funny! I’ve definitely had my share of moments, with four kids. I think the most entertaining one was when my sons decided that neither could wait for the one toilet at my parents’ house, and as they were sharing it at the same time I had to say “don’t use your streams as lightsabers!” Yeah, try saying that one with a straight face…. ; )

  20. Oh that was funny but I must say that Amber’s comment made me cry with laughter!


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