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Even My Coffee Cup Is Scared of This Coffee Table

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Dear Some Random Artist-Type Person in Austin, Texas,

Recently, I was delighted to come across an offering of one of your finest works of art on CraigsList. It may pain you to know that I received it for free, but I think they say that none of the great artists were truly appreciated until they were dead. It is my sincere hope that you are still alive and kicking it in the ATX.

Why? Because I’d like to meet you. I’d like to shake your hand. And I’d like to ask you why on Earth you did this to a sweet, innocent coffee table.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Britney Spears as much as the next person. Okay, fine. I love her way more than the next person. Regardless, even I wouldn’t have Mod Podged her face to the top of a table and then given her an oddly-shaped body. And I’m a crafty gal!

On top of that, you had to pair Ms. Brit with Kid Rock? Honestly, I don’t even get it. Why Kid Rock? Is it because the two of them obviously should have been a couple at some point? Man, the universe sure dodged a bullet on that one.

Did you just get so bored of this table that you couldn’t even bother to give Kid Rock his ratty hair? Or at the very least finish painting his arm?

Okay, I will admit that the Pabst Blue Ribbon belt buckle is a nice touch. Props to you for that.

Random Artist-Type Person, I’d like to thank you for your creative endeavors. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have gotten this table for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList, who got it for free from someone on CraigsList.

This beauty cannot be traced past that, but I know that I am now at least the fifth proud owner of this beautiful table. In fact, this may have been the very first item ever listed on CraigsList.

But you know what? I have taken it upon myself to right your wrong. My husband is absolutely horrified that this table has entered our home, but I keep telling him to trust me on this one. How can it possibly turn out any worse than this?

I hope Kid Rock’s creepy floating head haunts your dreams. I know it does mine.

Love,
Lindsay

P.S. I’m adding this post to the Blissfully Domestic “We are Blissfully Domestic!” Celebration. What do you think June Clever would say about this table?

we-are-bd1

P.P.S. I’m also adding this post to Beckie’s Roadkill Rescue party over at Infarrantly Creative.

About Lindsay Ballard

Lindsay Ballard is a former college mascot turned political geek turned roller derby playing, DIY fanatic.

Lindsay chronicles her projects, design ideas, and lifestyle tips here at Makely, where she shares tutorials and inspiration. Her DIY designs are bold and graphic, while her spirit is fun and full of color.

Comments

  6. Eve says

    LMAO!!! This is gonna keep me giggling all day!!!
    Why on Earth would anyone do that to an otherwise awesome table???…WHY??? LOL

    I am looking forward to seeing the "after" of poor table, thanks to you it will not suffer any longer! LOL

    Reply

  7. Kelly B says

    Haha!! My 7 year old daughter looked with disdain on that table. Too funny!! I wish I could find one like that around here. I could trade out my sister's and surprise her when she came home….. it would be fun to watch her try to explain to her husband!! :0)

    Reply

  11. gina says

    The belt buckle sure was nifty. 🙂 I can't wait to see what this becomes. Craigslist scares me. I have never. Not once. Been on Craigslist.

    Reply

  13. Princess of Everything (and then some) says

    Oh. My.

    I love thinking that it is the first ever craigslist item like there is only one fruit cake and it just keeps getting regifted.

    Why would anyone even think that way? Only in Austin.

    I cannot wait to see what you are going to do with this!!

    Reply

  15. Tins and Treasures says

    If you had not included the pictures, I would have thought you were making this up! Keep us posted. Enjoy Sunday ~Natalie

    Reply

  16. pink green & southern says

    I agree–only in Austin! But I can also see the potential and can't wait to see what you do with it!

    Reply

  19. Amanda @ Serenity Now says

    Oh. my. gosh. Lindsay, this made my day!!! I WANT to know WHO, WHO came up with this concept. Now all I can imagine is Britney and Kid Rock together. Can't wait to see what you do with it. My husband would freak out. This is one for the record books. 😉

    Reply

  20. squareby says

    That is truly horrifying. I would have left it in the garage until it got a makeover. When I have free time, I browse the Austin CraigsList just for kicks and giggles.

    Reply

  21. Sara says

    This is one of the most hilarious posts I've read along with one of the most horrifying pieces of furniture I've ever had the displeasure of seeing. And poor, poor Miss Britney–I think that's her "first post-nuthouse comeback" body that's painted on there. Oh the indignity!! Gotta dig the crackle finish though. Someone really thought that through…

    Reply

  24. Isabella & Max Rooms says

    LOL funny, entertaining post!

    I WILL have to keep posted to see the transformation of this jewel…kudos to you for seeing its potential, I myself am having a hard time!!!

    Janell

    Reply

  28. LizO says

    That is so horrifying I sat stunned for a second and then the giggles commenced.

    It's so horrifying it's almost too bad you have or will be making it pretty and give it a new life. With that said, you need to have some pictures of it framed and displayed just to keep the conversation going on with it.

    What a scream!

    Reply

  32. MJ says

    OH.MY.GOODNESS!! I live in Cedar Park and regularly stalk the free section of Austin's Craig's List. I ACTUALLY saw that table listed in the past month and couldn't even believe my eyes….and was even more shocked when I saw that it was pending pick up! I about laughed out loud when I read your post!!! I absolutely cannot wait to see what you do with it!!!

    Reply

  40. Jessica says

    Oh my goodness that is terrible! I have never seen anything like it!

    I can't wait to see what you make of it!

    Reply

  43. Anonymous says

    I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my face…thanks for sharing…can't wait to see the transformation!

    Reply

  46. Julia @ Hooked on Houses says

    I can't believe this table is for real! Hysterical! I almost hate for you to paint over Britney and Kid, but at least you have these photos for the memories.

    Can't wait to see what you do with it. You're a braver woman than I to tackle it! Ha. 🙂

    Reply

  49. Crafty Girls Workshop says

    Yep, I would say only in Austin would something like that show up on Craigslist. Everywhere else it'd probably just show up on the side of the road during big trash pickup. (I live in San Antonio, by the way) Stopping by to give you some commentin' kudos, I guess that's what it's called. Hope you'll visit me too! Funny post by the way.

    Anna

    Reply

  51. Amber B. says

    Okay, I found you through Kimba's DIY day, and I've been going through your archives–and this is absolutely HILARIOUS! You are too funny. Can't wait to see how Brit and Kid are transformed. 😀

    Reply

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