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You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation

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I have a friend who always has a curious comment each time she comes into my home.  It’s clear to me that she doesn’t get my design asthetic, and the “Why?” question is usually the first thing out of her mouth.

“Why do you have a giant dead tree in your house?”

“Why is there a drum hanging from your ceiling?”

Living With Lindsay Pendant Drum Light Fixture

“Why would you spend all of that time painting patterns on your walls?”

“Why is your dining room chandelier made out of cardboard?”

When I see her at my door, I always brace myself for these questions.  I think, “Oh, surely she won’t say anything.  It is MY home after all.”  But even knowing of what is coming and bracing myself for it, I still bristle at her questions.

And then after I take a second to catch my breath, I always reply the same way.

There’s simply no better response than that.

I know that I’m not alone in getting the why questions.  Other than having more tactful friends and family members, there’s really not much that we bold design and fun idea folks can do about questions like that.  It’s really just a part of having a unique home that you love.  Your style might not be for everyone, so it doesn’t matter if they are on Team Bold with you or not.

I want you to know – right here, right now – that I am empowering you to stand confident in your design decisions.  The next time you are asked the “Why?” question, I want you to stand up straight and confidently reply, “Because I love it.”  

Your home is about you and your family.  It’s not about what the neighbor down the street or your sister-in-law’s cousin wants it to be.  Your home should be a place that you love.  Period.  And if you love it, or are working towards making it a home that you love, then you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Do you get asked “Why?” about your decorating choices?  What has been your typical response?

 

About Lindsay Ballard

Lindsay Ballard is a former college mascot turned political geek turned roller derby playing, DIY fanatic.

Lindsay chronicles her projects, design ideas, and lifestyle tips here at Makely, where she shares tutorials and inspiration. Her DIY designs are bold and graphic, while her spirit is fun and full of color.

Comments

  1. sonny says

    I do have folks ask, have for 30 years and my answer has always been the same.
    my answer:: “I’m creative and I’m starting a new trend”…:)

    Reply

  2. Diane@InMyOwnStyle says

    You go girl – I love seeing people decorate in their own style – that is what decorating should be all about – your own style and not doing something just because it is trendy or the way things are supposed to be. “You can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself”. – lyrics from the song Garden Party that I always keep in the back of my mind.

    Reply

  5. Danna says

    I thought it only happened to me and it was just about this particular family member! The remark I get is INTERESTING, she’s trying to cut my decorating down when I know she wishes she was creative. I don’t know why people can’t be respective when in anothers home. I would never dream of going into her home and cutting it down. Didn’t your mama teach you “if you can’t say something nice,don’t say anything at all.”

    Reply

  6. Felicia says

    How coincidental that I just made a comment about this in your previous post!! I love your response. My response is similar, although I usually phrase it “It’s MY house and I love it.” To be fair, my family and friends usually express admiration for my creativity followed by “I’m not creative.” Then we get into a discussion about what is creativity and I have to point out, as if they are 5-year olds, “you’ll never know if you don’t even try.” Oh well … I just go on my creative way …

    Reply

  7. jessica says

    This is a wonderful attitude. Every day I realize that your home is supposed to make YOU happy. Whether that means it looks like it belongs in the pages of a magazine or not all that matters is that you love it. I have an aunt who is all about these kinds of comments- hers lean towards appearance and personal choices, but whatever. Live and let live!

    Reply

  8. Heather C says

    I hear ya! Good for you on standing your ground and being PROUD of your creativity! I’ve always told my little girls, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing!”

    In any case, I love your unique and creative style so don’t let anyone stomp all over you! BE PROUD, girl!! 🙂

    Reply

  11. Amanda @ mommyiscoocoo says

    Why do you keep having these people over?!?! One or two maybe… But by the third time they don’t get it, I’d say they are off the list. I met a woman recently who said, “I just love beige!” She meant it! I just ruled her out as a potential close friend at that moment.

    Reply

  12. Evie says

    When commenting on the stripes in my remodeled bathroom, my s-i-l said, can’t you just paint a room? Although I may not use your exact projects and colors, I am inspired to try new things and to think outside the box. Keep challenging me!

    Reply

  14. Sherrie says

    My Father’s girlfriend of 35 yrs taught me that. She lOved the outdoors and spent most of her time there . So she put all her figurines out on a table and on their deck. My father found a hornets nest and she hang it in their house. She found beauty in everything. She passed away but I still laugh at her awesome talents and it made all of us happy.

    Reply

  15. Becky says

    My mom’s comment is always “well thats different?” as if its a question. Or my favorite…”why would you paint wood?” I never answer.

    Reply

  16. Jessie says

    This is exactly the reason I don’t have any CHEVRON ANYTHING in my house or any IKAT. I know they’re all the rage out there but I simply am not attracted to them – SO THERE!!

    Reply

  17. Alison says

    I’m honestly asking–Is it not okay to ask someone questions about their design choices? If there’s not a reason “why,” does the design really make sense? Perhaps the dead tree adds texture and height, the drum shade is surprising, but even an artist likes to explain where they received their inspiration. Aren’t the admirers and critics worth an answer–an answer that opens up a conversation—even in your own home?

    Reply

    • Lindsay says

      Hi Alison,

      That’s definitely a valid point! If someone is asking why because they honestly want to learn more about your style and your thought process, than a more lengthy answer and conversation are definitely warranted. For example, I would never respond to one of my readers with a cavalier attitude, because I know you guys are asking for a reason.

      But, when the person asking is doing it just to be a snot, I don’t think it warrants a conversation at all. I have a feeling that we all have this type of person in our lives, and they seek to only push buttons and passive aggressively criticize. In my opinion, “Because I love it” is all you need to say.

      Thanks for the clarification!

      Reply

  19. Cindy M. says

    I love your style Lindsay! I personally wouldn’t do bold in my home but I love living bold through yours! lol I love the uniqueness and the boldness of every single piece in your home! It’s different but you make it look so cool and in the end it is your home! If you love it who cares what other think right? You’re the bomb! 😀 Keep on doing what you love and I will keep on reading and enjoying! 😀

    Reply

  20. Brook @ BeingBrook says

    “Because I love it” is my typical response. I actually I think it’s great if people don’t like my design. Maybe it helps them clarify what they do like. My house has a definite opinion. I think design should give you a feeling of “Oh I HATE that” or “Wow that’s awesome”. I would rather someone hated my house then didn’t feel anything. I’ve been in a ton of houses that had no opinion and no personality. I love going into someone’s house and you can totally see THEM living there even if it’s not your aesthetic.

    I have had some negative comments from guests (usually ones that I’m related to-HA!). Honestly it doesn’t really bug me. The nice comments outweigh the negative and I try to focus on those.

    Reply

  21. Linda Weeks says

    The older I get, the more free I feel to enjoy whatever turns me on, decoratively speaking! I always enjoy reading your posts, and wish I had so much energy and creativity going on!
    It’s fun, that’s why!

    Reply

  22. Lynda Vaughan says

    My oldest and DEAREST friend says that every time she comes into my house! she is a realtor and tells me all the time that if I ever want to sell, she could NEVER sell my house….I cant figure out why, could it be the privacy fence that I painted scenes all around (they ARE flowers and birdhouses, they belong outside!) maybe its the tiger striped upholstered antique victorian setee, or the faux dish cabinet I painted on my pantry door, my kitchen chandelier made from mismatched tea cups and saucers? I think its the kitchen television with the cabinet painted with topiaries and birds!! I just cant figure her out??? Keep it up Lindsay!!!

    Reply

  23. Lynda Vaughan says

    Can anyone help me with suggestions for a unique wreath to enter into the State Fair? Last year your idea of the book page wreath won first prize, can anyone top that??

    Reply

  24. Linda says

    Good for you! I once had a realtor who was a retired army colonel. He listed our home and told me that if prospective buyers asked “uncomfortable” questions (i.e., none of your dog-gone business), to answer them “Why do you ask?” He said it usually takes them aback and they realize that they’ve intruded where they shouldn’t. I’ve used it many times over the years and it usually works. Most people don’t want to answer back, “Because I’m nosey” or “Because I’m rude.”

    Reply

  25. Lisa~ says

    I get asked that about a LOT of my choices. LOL! I just usually shrug. No reply.

    Of course, that’s only if the person doesn’t really WANT to know why and is only asking to make the point that they don’t care for it. But if they really do want to know why because they love styling their house too….then you can’t get me to shut up about it. 🙂

    Great post. Lisa~

    Reply

  27. Krys says

    Bah to her (and yes, why do you keep having her over to your house?). I’m sure she doesn’t have a super-popular blog of followers who love the creativity (or sponsors who provide materials for testing.)

    Reply

  28. Bernadette @ B3HD says

    I actually DO get asked why, a lot and I actually love it when I do. Don’t know your friend, but in the case of folks coming over to my place, I know that the why is coming from a curious place, not a judgmental place. And for the occasional bloggy email with the why, I still take the time to detail it out, too.

    For me, the why is rarely “because I love it”. I kind of figure most folks know that that is a given if I’m going to take precious little time to make it happen.

    The most common why I get is “Why do you have two GIANT yellow paintings with names of cities all over them on your hallway wall? And those clocks…where’s “EBC”? This is my FAVE story. We might (or might not) have bought our house because I LOVED that there were these giant cubbies for art in the hallway. Then, I saw how much it would be to fill those cubbies. So, I made my own art. I’m not an artist, so the background was easy enough, but then I decided to make something meaningful. The cities are all places I, Robert or both of us have been. The size of the name means we were there together or separately. The clocks are all the time zones we’ve been in. EBC is Everest Base Camp and for those that are truly detail oriented, you’ll see that they are actually a half hour off from the rest of us.

    Since that happens RIGHT when you walk in our front door, all the rest of the why’s are really a storyscape through our lives and people ask because they are truly interested in who we are. The curio boxes with sticks, rocks and shells is another one of those “what in the…” questions that leave lots of folks in tears (the sticks are from our last walks with our puppy that had to be let go because of a medical condition. The rocks were just rocks I picked up on each of the walks we went with her on in the end after we knew we were going to have to let her go and the shells are from each of the beaches we went to with her – she LOVED the water.

    Why is an inquisitive, great first question. It’s opened up a lot of doors to deeper relationships with people who thought I was a little off at first (smile)

    Reply

  29. Nan says

    So, I have an honest question…what do you say if you walk into someone’s house and they’re all excited over what they did and it IS total crap? Same rule apply, then? They like it, so your opinion doesn’t matter? I suppose it depends on how close you are to the person. Most people would just get a blank stare and a forced smile, because…what can you say? I won’t be fake with anyone, so I can’t gush and say “Oh, how lovely!” when it’s not.

    A really good friend would get a hmmm…that’s not the color I’d have used, but…. And we’d take it from there (and I’m talking about a certain friend with whom I can be frank and open and seriously question why she did things a certain way, but then most of the time, I love her decorating choices, even if it’s not what I’d have done.)

    There’s also the tone of voice. One person can say “Why?” or “Interesting,” and you know they’re being complete judgmental jackwagons, someone else can say it and mean, “Wow…that’s neat, what was your thought process, is that color special to you, did you have an inspiration piece?” etc.

    As for the wood thing, I’m kind of strictly against painting wood trim in a house older than about 1930–I’ve seen far too many Victorian and Craftsman interiors permanently ruined because someone thought it would be a neat idea to make that gorgeous old growth wood white. As for furniture, if it’s not a genuine (valuable) antique, then go for it. I have a number of different wood pieces in my house and I want to paint several of them (who wants 5 or 6 different kinds of wood in the same room?), but my mom is all “You can’t paint that, it’s wood!” Ack.

    Bascially, though, I agree with you. You’re the one who has to live in your house, if you want orange and purple tiger stripes, go for it…not my thing, but then neither is the industrial grey and yellow you have in one of your rooms, but you like it, so it’s very cool–and by the way, I like your application of those colors way, way better than 99% of they way I’ve seen others use it.

    Reply

    • Lindsay says

      Hi Nan,

      I definitely don’t think you should have to be fake and gush about something you don’t like. Obviously, like you say, a forced smile is the way to go. If someone put a lot of work into something, you don’t want your face to read that you think it’s awful.

      I think it’s nice that you have a friend that you can be frank with. I have one like that, too, and it does make the conversations much easier when you have a differing opinion about paint colors or whatever. But, the one I refer to in my post isn’t a “friend” friend, if that makes sense. She’s actually the mother of a friend, so she tags along sometimes. She’s definitely saying things to get under my skin, and I barely even know her. She considers herself to be very creative, so maybe she’s trying to cut me down to build herself up? Or maybe that’s just her personality. Who knows.

      Anyway, thanks for being my shrink today and letting me talk that out. HA!

      Reply

  30. Martina says

    Why would someone be so conventional? It is YOUR home, and you should feel free to make it the place that you love, that you want to come home to each night. I agree with Bernadette – if the question comes from a good place, then no worries. Otherwise I would just shrug it off.

    Reply

  31. Donna M. says

    I find that phrase to be a great reply to MANY LIFE CHOICES.

    Your blog and your home ROCK out loud. I found you via Pinterest and wow, I will definitely be back.

    Reply

  32. Alexa says

    I know its old but I am so glad to have found this post – I figured I couldn’t be the only one, but I haven’t met anyone who had a similar issue as me ’til now!

    I have spent too much time wishing for approval from my close family and friends for my creative but “not necessary” ideas. I feel like its only natural to desire approval from those we love and respect, but I’m tired of getting my (i’m so excited i want to share it!) ideas beat down because they sound like too much effort or weird or something (I get the “why?” question a lot too). I want my most favorite people to love my creative ideas as much as I do, but instead I get blank stares or “that sounds too hard” most of the time, and then I feel like I have to defend it with an explanation… BUT NO LONGER. Muhahahaha!
    Thanks so much for sharing, Lindsay!

    Reply

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